Post-break up

Signed up to Tinder on a Tuesday morning
When I was feeling blue
Searching for ways to pick myself up, and stop thinking of you
Swiped left for several minutes
And turned it off again
I know nows not the time to think of anything but friends
My heart's not ready, I'm feeling crushed
Yet I crave for something, even if it's lust

Written July 2019

lost

I'm still believing that I did right
That its time to take a different path
But I'm also grieving a lost life
Waiting for the next one to start
A stranger in my own home
Things are the same but I've grown
Feeling like a misfit
Wondering, is this it?
Every job I look at seems so shit
And starting my own thing, such a risk!

I feel a connection to the land
But long for the connection of a man
And yet, at the same time, I feel I need to be alone
Work out myself instead of swiping through my phone
I don't even know
Whether to stay or to go

So many options swirling through my mind
It seems impossible to find
One to focus on
Work on
The days of dreams and passion seem long gone
Where did I go wrong?
To end up so lost and confused
My youth already used
Or is this a natural state?
The fate
of a generation
Pushing adolescence to the maximum

Someone on my mind

My heart has started fluttering
My mind has started muttering

I stop trying to find
As there's someone on my mind

But I stay awake in bed, wondering what could be
Jumping ahead and thinking of we

Try to edge in slowly, instead of just run
Take each day as it comes

To start something brings us closer to the end
And the chance we may not be friends
Unless this is it and its really meant to be
But then the end will be of the single me

So take it slow, enjoy it while it lasts
Savour each moment before its past

Coming home

Sometimes it's hard to come home
After a long time away
It depends on the day
It can be wonderful seeing family and friends
But when the holiday ends
And you have to try to start something
Do something
Be something
It can make you want to run away
Deal with "real life" another day
Continue a life of travel and play
You can feel more lost at home than any country you may roam
More lonely close to family than travelling alone and free
But when you find community
Thats the draw
That can make you want to be
Part of something
Doing something
Being something
Useful to society
With permanent residency
So you can build things over time
Own something thats actually mine
Instead of temporary existence
hedonistic persistance
The draw of short term pleasures may be strong
But hopefully a sustainable life can still be fun

Missing you

I miss this
That loving kiss
Knowing that as soon as I turn my back I'm missed
That look in your eye
As I walk by
That tender touch
Oh, I miss it so much ...

But I missed this
Before we finished
Sometimes it would come back briefly
But I would find myself weeping
That look in your eye was already gone
I was trying to hold on too strong

And then it was over
Finished
My heart in pieces
8 months on and I still think of you on a daily basis
They say it takes half the length of a relationship
To get over it
So I've still got another year of this!

Missing you
That love, that touch, that kiss