Sunday 6 October 2019

Sunday in rishikesh


As I walk on the bank of the ganges
Where the sand sparkles like a million candles
I'm in awe of the beauty of nature
This peace I feel, there's nothing greater
The powerful sounds of the waterfall
Bring energy to my soul
Butterflies flutter by in every color under the sky
and some bugs I can't indentify but look like faeries in the magic of my eye
Amongst these flowers and water I know I'm nature's daughter
Put here to protect and love
Treat below as above
Worship outside as within
So I sit to write and sing
Mediate on this great world I live in

And then a baba comes my way
Sits in the bushes next to me to say
How anger and happiness come from inside
And other words that sound quite wise
I sit and nod and take it in
Listening, appreciating
Until he tries to sell me something
Up the mountain for a spiritual trip
Something just doesn't sit
Right with this dude in orange with a smart phone
I feel better appreciating nature alone
So namaste I say and continue on my way ...

At the world peace yoga center
I'm called by a poster
It's happening today
So I decide to go and play
in meditation dance
I prance
And sing
Let it all in
And out
Shake it all about
A release of emotion
An explosion
Laughing so much I'm crying
Feeling so much I'm shaking
It's exhausting
But rewarding
Letting not just the joy in
But also sadness and anger
Feeling my power
To feel
And to heal
To notice what's real

Walking back my heads in the clouds
Daydreaming down the road I get hit by a cow
Horn straight into my stomach
It doesn't hurt too much
But wakes me up
What a day it's been
waking and meditating
Appreciating this world we live in
Dancing, singing
Trying to grow with it and within

Facing the hole


Facing the hole
The hunger that can't be filled
And yet still
I try
With drugs, alcohol, relationships
Looking outside for a quick fix
And even though I tell myself
And others
That I'm happy in myself
I'm bothered
Deep down inside
There's a sadness I try to hide
Anger pushed away
Let to deal with on another day
For the moment I'll just fly away
Go abroad
smoke one more
Have a drink
Try not to think
Or think happy thoughts
Tell the narrative I want to hear
Be the person who has no fear
With a cheeky smile, always dancing
Only cry when no-ones looking
But now that I've stopped smoking
Or drinking, I'm thinking
Nows the time to face this hole
Before I hook up with another soul
Be still
And look at that hunger that can't be filled

Or can it?
Can I fix it? Fill it?
Not with temporary pleasure
But with care for others
Gratitude for what I have
The good and the bad
Unconditional love for the world
Will nourish my soul
That's the teaching of yoga
Not just the physical asana
But the mental practice
That should lead to happiness
And let me lead a life of bliss
It's the path I'll try to follow
Turn away from the ego
And although the going might be slow
One day I hope to know
Contentment

Chaukhamba, Chandrashila, Chopta Facing the mountains and myself

Chaukhamba, Chandrashila, Chopta 
Facing the mountains and myself

So excited I get up before 4

Can't wait to be out the door
Up into the hills
The idea thrills
But slightly scares me
Am I ready?
I’m fitter than I used to be
But hiking isn’t something the old me would go for 
I was more into taking it easy
But we’ll see
Maybe I can make this a part of the new me

We set off at 6, driving hours along miles of dusty mountain roads
Traffic jams and landslides mean the going is slow
Big buses trying to pass each other on roads that are far too narrow
The excitement and energy is zapped out of me
Some people travel for the journey, I like to find a nice place to be

Overtaking, breaking, we've stopped again
What's this up ahead?
Sign says warning
Keep moving, rocks falling
The handkerchief that guy is waving is red
But were going
Horns honking
Jumps over bumps
You think you’re going for some fresh mountain air, but it's a dusty affair

The rolling hills are full of beauty
We follow the ganga and it’s tributary
And eventually
We get to little communities amongst rice paddies
The roads and air finally clear and free

And this is where the walk begins, hiking to our first night camping
It’s only an hour, but a kilometre uphill is challenging
By the time we reach our camp at 2500 meters I’m sweating
Breathing short
I’m regretting my smoking
Even though I haven’t today
I can feel my lungs say
They’ve had enough
And yet still I puff
Just one before I go to bed
Loosing the argument in my head 
Between who I was and who I want to be
A habit so ingrained it feels part of me
So I look up at the stars and say
Not today 
Maybe tomorrow
But when I wake in the night and have to go piss in a hole
And remember my nightmares
Visualisations of my fears
I don’t want to give up at all
But smoke more to keep my subconscious mind at bay
Get a more restful night for an active day

I wake before dawn and the tent is lit up by stars shining
The silence is overpowering
Broken slowly by birds singing
I meditate on the mountains
Sat on crystal formations
The long tail of a teeter, or lambuchrea sweeps through
Followed by an eagle
Silently gliding
The rocks shining
I’m filled with joy and a connection to nature
Ready to try and make the world a better place
Picking up waste 
Plastic pollution
The human problem
Destroying the world we live in

Today’s walk pushes me out of my comfort zone
And I am not alone
The group wants to go fast but I am moving slowly
They wait for me
And we reach the peak
Astounding views across the mountain
But I don’t want to slow them down anymore
The weather is changing and they need to finish by 4
So I go back
Shanti shanti
Hasti hasti
Take the easy way and let them hike 17 kilometres through the forest without me
This gives me time to be
Alone in the mountains
Do yoga and practice guitalele
This time really feels free

The next morning we wake up at 3 
And I can feel the ornery child growing inside me
We need to see if the weather is good enough to climb
I go back to bed while the group make up their mind
We decide to go and I won’t let the child speak
It will only ask “are we nearly there yet”
Make excuses to stay in bed

As I rise in elevationmy head is ringing
In the distance there’s lightning
I haven't done training
And 4000 feet can be daunting

Gradually the snowy peaks are illuminated
I'm out of breath but elated
Proud of myself for going
My inner strength growing

But at a point in the path with a sheer drop
I stop
I don’t want to go back
But I feel a panic attack
Breath short
Tears flow
This I know
Is vertigo
I try to focus on slowing the breath, calming the mind
Trying to find
That inner strength to keep on going
Breathing, calming
I keep on walking

But when I reach the summit the child takes over
I don't want to move
Just curl into a cocoon
To tired to appreciate the view
I give a nod to the tallest mountain in Nepal
But I'm hungry, miserable
Ready to go straight back down

And as we get down it starts to rain
So I'm glad we set off at 3am
I should pack more snacks if I do it again
It's not easy walking 8 miles before 10!

I did it
But was it worth it?
Even coming back down, I'm not sure
I'm definitely not cut out for more
Maybe a different group with a slower pace
Or just by myself 
So I have more time to face
The mountains and myself


The rainy season blues

Oh, the beach is dead and there’s no-one around
Well a couple of dudes in each bar but no babes to be found
And the musicians still playing that same ol sound

I aint got no money, I aint got no shoes
Aint got got stuff but that’s nothing to loose
Oh, I’m in Cambodia, singing the rainy season blues

We got 12 more puppies and the cat’s in heat
Flesh eating bacteria digging holes in my feet
And a hot shower would feel like a treat (but I don’t know when that’s going to happen)

I aint got no money, I aint got no shoes
Aint got got stuff but that’s nothing to loose
Oh, I’m in Cambodia, singing the rainy season blues

The water’s got so high there’s a fish in my garden!
I’m damp to the bone and my motobike’s not startin
The cats got the shits, and I’m scared of fartin

I aint got no money, I aint got no shoes
Aint got got stuff but that’s nothing to loose
Oh, I’m in Cambodia, singing the rainy season blues

That’s right, I’m in Cambodia, singing the rainy season blues


Monday 25 March 2019

Otres 2019

Now it's time to say goodbye
So here's some words to tell you why:

What was once a source of inspiration
The ideal environment for creation
Has been turned upside down
What got us high now gets us down
That paradise we found
Doesn't exist anymore

The power cuts more and more
Walking to the beach has become a chore
It's walking through a building site
Past casinos with their spotlights
A city sprung up overnight
Built by hundreds of trucks, tearing up the roads
Cutting the trees, dumping their loads
The environment around us is dying
But no-one is stopping it, no-one is crying
They're giving up

Seeing more money than they've ever known
Locals give up any land they own
And the barrang? Every day another one goes
What was someone's dream is now a business closed
Where to next? Nobody knows

We're all looking for the next place
Where maybe development won't be so fast paced
But as everyone moves to the next stage
The society we built here fades
And with no more community
All that's left is uncertainty
Did we jump in too quickly?
Did we see it naievly?
And if we start over, will it happen again?
Find paradise just before it's end

When we no longer feel free
But trapped in fantasy
It can sometimes feel
That it was never really real
A dream over before it got going
But hopefully we can part here knowing

That we have learned a lot
And although we smoked a lot of pot
All the people and moments won't be forgot
We had the chance to experiment
With building a guesthouse, running events
So many friends came to stay
So many people got the confidence to play
So many nights jamming away


It was more than a guesthouse, more than a bar
Stray Cats is a part of who we are
So even though it's time to part
Otres will always have a special place in our heart